“I had to work harder to be prettier. Even outside the pool, I saw the world as a competition. And if I wasn’t winning, I completely failed.”
“The perfectionist drive that made me a star athlete in the water, out of the water tore me apart. As I nitpicked every little aspect of myself, I discovered over and over again that I wasn’t good enough.”
- In The Water They Can’t See You Cry (Page 89)
Has anyone else felt this drive to be perfect, whether it’s in a sport, the workplace, social scene or family life? I struggled with this a lot when I was younger, but even as a grown up and a Mom, sometimes the pressure to be perfect can get to you every now and again.
Growing up in the public eye, I definitely felt the pressure to look like what society deemed as “beautiful.” Even though it seemed like I was on top of the world, with my first Olympics at 14 followed by a successful career as a model, sports broadcaster, author and now Mom, deep down I tore myself apart in every way to please the outside world. If you’ve read my book, In The Water They Can’t See You Cry, you know that this need to be perfect drove me into a deep depression with an eating disorder and other issues. Instead of having the most glamorous life, I despised myself. I was miserable.
And I used swimming to cope with my problems – it was literally my meditation, my escape. I know a lot of us try to workout, dye our hair, shop or do other external activities to make ourselves feel better in the short-term. I’ve learned through my long journey, that what really helps is working on the inside. I finally faced my reality with the help of my amazing husband, Sacha, and got help. Today I am very happy and healthy, and have a great life – with no regrets, believe it or not. I’m a much stronger person from the things I went through.
Have you experienced similar struggles as a young adult or even a Mom or Dad, friend, family member, student, or athlete? I would love for you to share your story with me and how you recovered. My blog is a community where we can be open and honest, relate to and help each other. Can’t wait to hear from you!